


The Unhappiest Place on Earth

by x_los



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Crack, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-02
Updated: 2014-05-02
Packaged: 2018-01-20 18:17:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1520678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/x_los/pseuds/x_los
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>B_E kinkmeme prompt: “The Master uses Lucy to taunt the Doctor”. Something of a crack response. (This is a tidied old kinkmeme drabble. Original here: <a href="http://best-enemies.livejournal.com/13938.html?thread=263794#t263794">http://best-enemies.livejournal.com/13938.html?thread=263794#t263794</a>)</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Unhappiest Place on Earth

**Author's Note:**

> Title: "The Unhappiest Place on Earth"  
> Author: [](http://x-los.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://x-los.livejournal.com/)**x_los**  
>  Rating: G  
> Pairing: Ten/Simm!Master  
> Summary: B_E kinkmeme prompt: “The Master uses Lucy to taunt the Doctor”. Something of a crack response. (a tidied old kinkmeme drabble: original here: <http://best-enemies.livejournal.com/13938.html?thread=263794#t263794>)  
> Beta: [](http://aralias.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://aralias.livejournal.com/)**aralias**
> 
> ***

Something blocked out the fluorescent light. The Doctor, small and withered in his cage, was at first simply grateful for a respite from the glare that made his shrunken eyes tear up. But then his cloudy gaze panned over her elegant blonde head, finding it topped with black circles-- _no_.

"It can't be." The words slipped across the Doctor's wizened lips like fog curling up over a bridge, soft weight drawn thin and despairing. And still the Master heard them. He stepped up behind Lucy and paced a palm of the small of her back, resting it gently on her tasteful cream twinset.

"Can't be what, Doctor?" The Master’s expression was innocent, mock-confused. His hands slid from Lucy's back to her waist, then came to grip the bars of the Doctor's cage. Lucy slipped from the room, humming something the Doctor recognized--but it just wasn't possible.

"You wouldn't." The Doctor's lip trembled, and it sucked the strength, the rage, from his voice. "You wouldn't _dare_."

"But I _have_ , Doctor. And without _you_. Without your help, your moralistic whinging, your irritating tendency to forget where we parked, your _maddening_ insistence on talking to people dressed up in costumes as if they actually are the characters they represent, your _infuriating_ habit of jumping out of the trolley to explore the Haunted Mansion--oh _yes_ , Doctor." The Master had brought his face inches from the Doctor's. The triumph in his eyes was the perfect inverse of the Doctor's impotent emotion.

'I took Lucy," the Master relished the phrase, "to Disneyland."

The Doctor's tiny cry made the Master shut his eyes and shudder blissfully. Keeping his eyes closed, the Master began a sick recounting, twisting the knife in as deep as it would go.

"We rode Space Mountain."

"No!"

"Oh but we _did_ , Doctor." The Master’s eyes slid open, like those of a lazy cat. "You know, we visited every country in Epcot? Of course we tried all the foods--"

"Not the 'five minute film about Norway!' That was ours, Master! Remember how hilarious we thought it was? Master you _couldn't_ have!"

"Little Lucy knows the song now, Doctor. Such a clever girl. Oh, and Doctor?"

A whimper. God it was good.

"We rode 'It's a Small World After All' until they had to shut the park down." He chuckled, leaned in so close his lips practically brushed the cage. "'It's a world of laughter, a world of tears," he spun up and away, practically twirling around the conference table, "it's a world of hopes and a world of fears!" The Master paused, and walked back over to the Doctor. "Well, Doctor? You know the tune. Finish it," he commanded, staring at the Doctor with malicious greed. Mutely, the Doctor shook his head.

"Finish it," the Master hissed. The Doctor swallowed, and began in a feeble voice.

"There's so much that we share," the Doctor’s tenor voice broke, splitting into fragments, "and it's time we're aware it's a small, small world."

In the stillness after the Doctor regained control of himself, the Master took a deep breath.

"You might've come too, if only you'd been _good._ " He was almost out the door when, Parthian-perfect, the Master turned and shot back, "We _both_ got Mickey hats, you see. You know how much you’ve always wanted one. And we had to eat all that ice cream by ourselves."

The Doctor's inconsolable howl was the last vestige of honest emotion he showed the Master on the Valiant.


End file.
